Listen, reader, listen well,
For I've a naughty tale to tell.
Firstly, let me set the scene -
The palace of all Witchcraft's Queen.

Here within its hallowed walls
Down fine blue-stone'd torchlit halls
The heroes of this Epic come:
Maiden, older witch and mum.

The maiden - if indeed she is,
We can't be certain of it, viz
The many boys she keeps ensnared -
She's high of passion, fiery-haired.

Kel's the mother's name and she
Is too by nature wild and free.
Nor's she shy, by any means,
Perhaps this is her faerie genes?

Lastly Guðrún, crafty mage,
Fortyish would be her age,
Wise is she in courtly ways
Stay'n on her side, it surely pays.

As they pass the torchlit doors,
Guðrún says "Now don't you cause
Embarrassment to me, my girls,
Be well-behaved and pure as pearls."

Kra and Kel are not too pleased
With these instructions. Having seethed,
Kra takes out her crystal ball
And gives a Gnomian shop a call.

"Since the Witch Queen's such a prude
We can't go bathing in the nude,"
She says. "So let us garb ourselves
In battle gear from off their shelves."

- A note to those not in the know:
As subsequent events will show,
When Gnomish ladies go to brawl
Their clothing's hardly there at all! -

Shortly from that gnomely store
The gear arrives, as past the door
The Lady Guðrún haps to walk -
She overhears their giggling talk.

Having made their mirror blush,
It seems the girls are in a rush
Unto the poolside to be gone.
Guðrún smiles, and just walks on.

Soon we see them, clad in towels
Trotting to where once with growls
Alligators lay. But, cool!
The pit is now a swimming pool.

Reaching then the waterside,
They doff their towels - they've naught to hide.
They stand revealed, those ladies fair.
A deathly silence fills the air.

Caring not, they dive right in -
Alcydia gives a nasty grin,
Turns to Guðrún: "Cousin dear,
What young barbarians have we here?"

Interesting ones indeed,
Thinks Baron F., but swears his creed
Prevents him making lewd advances
(Lies! He just don't rate his chances!)

"Actually, Kel's not so young,
She has a child the age of one,"
Guðrún tells him. "No!" he cries
"That can't be true. You're telling lies!"

"No," says Guðrún, "go and see."
He rises with alacrity
And leaves their table: "Yes, I will."
Alcydia's glare is fit to kill.

Kra, meanwhile, has snared a fool.
She wants to push him in the pool.
Alas, he's too far gone to speak
Kra dispatches him in pique.

Having craft'ly cornered Kel,
Our Baron Fieffelfalsfaffel
Proceeds with: "I've been told that you
Had borne a child last year - that true?"

"Yes indeed," says Kel, for she
That he's a twerp can clearly see,
Knows just how to thwart his ilk:
"Look! My breasts still brim with milk!"

Then she watches, eyes agleam,
As from his ears shoot clouds of steam.
Next time he won't be so bold - hah!
Someone taps her on the shoulder...

"Kel," says Kra, "now stop your game.
You're overdoin' it - be more tame!"
She points out Fieffel (victim recent)
"Frankly, you're being quite indecent!"

"Me!" says Kel, "why, you can talk!"
As close 'hind Kra the rabble gawk
"Winking at that poor old earl,
While you were..." SLAP! Kra's hand's a whirl!

Lo, our two friends fall a-fighting
Kicking, scratching, pulling, biting..
What a shocking, crude display!
(Five on Kel, mate, what d'you say?)

And of that gnomian battle gear
I have to say it would appear
In battle, it is no damn use
'Cos all those lovely thongs come loose!

Neither Kra nor Kel's on top
When at last they roll and stop.
The reason for their loss of vim
Is Lady Guðrún, very grim!

Back within their room in shame
Stand Kra and Kel, the sudden fame
They've brought themselves has not impressed
The Lady Guðrún, proud Duchess.

Leaving, then, she slams the door
Thereby making doubly sure
They know they've wronged her, mortified
Kel says "Should we run and hide?"

"Nope," says Kra, "tomorrow we
Must be Presented, if we flee
We'll be in double trouble, so
Before the Queen we'll have to go."

And in the morn, as shall be seen
They dress themselves to meet the Queen.
Alcydia, by the Queen's right hand
Tries to make her understand...

"They're bold and shameless hussies, ma'am,
Though Guðrún says they mean no harm
Just wait - you'll be so shocked for sure..."
(You'll banish Guðrún evermore!)

Such Alcydia hopes, indeed,
As Princess Jarah takes the lead
And one by one young ladies fair
From o'er the world come forth, a-pair.

Kel and Kra come last of all,
Emerging at the lackey's call
But what a change is wroughten here!
Such prim and proper goodly gear

That now upon their frames they wear
Is with the previous past compare!
The Queen is pleased, Alcydia's not.
"They're your hussies? Don't talk rot!"

"But last night..." "Nonsense!" says the Queen,
"They're paragons, from what We've seen.
If they last night were rather hearty,
Fault lay mostly with your party!"

Guðrún smiles, her cousin glowers:
Sweet revenge quite quickly sours.
Game to Guðrún here, for sure
In this ongoing cousins' war.

But Guðrún has to make amends
To Kra and Kel, as for her ends
She used them. "Girls, forgive me please,"
She says. They put her at her ease:

"Not a problem." "We don't mind."
Until she shuts the door behind
Her, then they grin with cruel intent
On mischief-making surely bent...

So revealed's their cunning plot
When Guðrún, wearing not a lot,
'Pears by the poolside, arms a-fold
Her manner now a little cold.

"Where's my cozzie, girls?" says she
"This General's outfit's just not me."
("Don't ask us," says Kra), but see -
Old Baron F. does not agree!

Thus we leave them to their win
(And Fieffelfalsfaff's hopeful grin)
To Courtly Manners (wh'e'er they be),
A tale of witches, number: three.

PS "wh'e'er" is my creative abbreviation of "whatsoever" or perhaps "wheresoever".